Tuesday, 21 December 2010

Lost interview with Frank Sidebottom

I was sad when I heard Mr Sidebottom passed away earlier this year:
The photo below of Frank and I on the steps of Tate Britain was taken in March 2007. (I'm 99% sure Mat Humphrey took this photo) but the interview you're about to read dates back to June 1986 (just a couple of months before my 13th birthday).

The Rebel: If all your legs fell off would you let That's Life do a feature about you?
Frank Sidebottom: "No... I am not a sensation seeker ... I'd just get a wheelchair like Ironside and move into Law."

The Rebel: What do you think about Wham Splitting up?
Frank: "I think it will cost them a lot in phone bills and stamps now if they want to keep in touch."

The Rebel: What do you think of Sigue Sigue Sputnik?
Frank: "Little Frank thinks they are fantastic and we do Love Missile on stage."

The Rebel: Could you design a new dress for Sarah Ferguson?
Frank: "Yes."

The Rebel: Without wishing to sound rude a lot of you lyrics to your songs are quite similar. If you were to write a song about football it would probably just go: "Football is really fantastic, it really makes me laugh. I always like to play it - even when I'm in the bath". Could you write some lyrics about the Rebel magazine?
Frank: "My football song goes: "Football is really fantastic, it's a wonderful sport. you get to kick a football a lot in a football shirt and football shorts." See... it's not the same.
"I went into the newagents… to get myself a "Rebel" ... the man gave me a box of chocs... he must've thought I said "Revels"." (Sing to the XL5 tune)."

The Rebel: Who are you influenced by?
Frank: "I try to be totally original."

The Rebel: How many O'levels have you got?
Frank: "None."

The Rebel: Will you ever write your life story?
Frank: "It will take too long... and I'm very busy with my showbiz career."

The Rebel: Who is in your backing band?
Frank: "We swap and change a bit... Tommy the milkman (drums or bass). Mr Lake (drums or keyboards). Roger Gregory (Bass or banjo), Mark T. Cortina (Guitar and hi-hat). Eric Estrada (bass)."

The Rebel: Do you believe in life on other planets?
Frank: "Yes I do."

The Rebel: What is a typical day in the life of Frank Sidebottom?
Frank: "A Day In The Life of Frank"
4.15am... woke up... bed soaking wet... had fallen asleep with a can of barbican... turned testcard off... set alarm for 7.30am. ... woke up... switched on Selina Scott...
... woke up... watched c-fax ... finished off my eagle transporter model kit ...
woke up... fingers are stuck together with super glue... woke up and got out of bed... got dressed... sat on bed to put shoes on... 12.30pm woke up with one extra shoe on... got up... watched Pebble Mill at One... lay on bed to think about the day's chores... 2.18pm woke up... 2.19pm woke up... 2.33pm fell out of bed... dragged a brush across my head... made my way downstairs and had a cup of umbongo... 2,40pm phoned e.m.i to ask when the Christmas party is. Was told they are all in a meeting. 2.56pm walked down to the shop for my mum 3.10pm came back from shops and put my trousers on... 3.32pm phoned e.m.i but they were still in meetings... 3.45pm woke up to the sound of doorbell... it's the police. Policeman ticked me off about shopping without my trousers. lay on the couch for a snooze... but found my banjo under the cushions. finished my new song "I keep losing me trousers" switched on children's itv... fell asleep... 4.12pm phoned e.m.i about party... still in meetings. emptied home brew barbican out of the bath before my mum came home... woke up in the bathroom to the sound of my mum coming in... got told off. begged my mum to let me out of the coal house. realised i have missed John Craven's Newsround (dead sick). phoned e.m.i to ask about e.m.i xmas party... still in meetings. went to the shops again for my mum had a ride on a fantastic 10p ride outside the shops. 5.39pm got home... mum went mad about the change being 10p short 5.58pm the security guard at e.m.i phoned to assure me that there is definately no xmas party this year... 6.31pm wake up in time to see Granada reports 7.42pm woke up in time for 2nd part of Coronation Street 8.57pm cleaned my teeth and said goodnight to my mum and went to bed. heard my mum get into bed... got up and climbed down the drainpipe to work on my secret robot in the shed. fell in my new fish pond. Took my wet trousers off. 9.58pm Fuzed all the lights in the street.10.17pm decided to get back into bed... via drainpipe 11.38pm policeman brought me home after wrong arrest as the trouserless cat burglar... Midnight... switched bedside tv on and got a can of barbican.
R.I.P Chris and Frank

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